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A Phony Comes Clean

In May of 2019, I debuted my blog. It was my first attempt at putting myself out there like I never had before. I thought I was being my most vulnerable, authentic self and I received enough feedback to pat myself on the back and keep trying. But as I continued sending out my blogs, the feedback came less and less. As the clicks dwindled I began doubting myself, my talent and skills, my decisions, my friendships and my ability to create abundance.

My message wasn’t landing. I searched for answers. Well-intentioned friends and family did their best to support me, yet my nerve shriveled. I needed help so I went out on a limb and paid the most I’ve ever shelled out for any type of personal discovery, self-help program.

And this is what I learned. Authenticity takes great risk and I wasn’t risking a damn thing. I was too invested in looking good, in having all the answers and in staying safe in my comfort zone. I was looking for you to tell me I had value and that I mattered. I was looking for love in all the wrong places… the story of my life.

I learned there is no hiding the truth. You smelled my inauthenticity like poop on your shoe. Whether it was a conscious choice or simply a lack of interest, you gave me the feedback I was too afraid to hear. You told me I needed to find another way.

So here I am again, putting myself out there like I never have before. Right here, right now, I really don’t care what you think or if you like what I have to say. I only know I have to say it. I don’t care if you reject me as disingenuous, say I’m still trying too hard to please, ignore me completely or laugh at me with your friends and co-workers.

All I care about is that I am honest, as honest as I know how to be at this moment in time. My training program isn’t over and I have more to learn but for now, for the first time ever, I am being my most authentic, genuine, fearless self. This is the new, improved version of Linda Jo Seebantz. And I think she is magnificent.

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